A Few Birthday Thoughts-and My Birthday Gift to You

So…Today’s my birthday. This isn’t really about that, though by the end you’ll understand a little better. 

In October, 1972 I was at some sort of drum corps function in Santa Clara, CA. with my family. To occupy my time (and keep me from complaining about being bored) my folks bought me a paperback book titled “Star Trek.” I don’t think they understood at the time what they were about to create. Years-and several conventions, a number of books, and some very patient television watching-later, I was a full on Trekkie. (Still am, to an extent.) Over time, I got models, blueprints, books, a Tech manual, tribbles, drinking glasses, posters, patches (and more stuff than I’m admitting to)…and an unwavering belief that there is hope for the human race, despite ourselves. 

“So what?” you’re asking. Be patient-a good story takes time. 

Star Wars came out, and I ate it up. Battlestar Galactica, Message from Space, Quark, Close Encounters of the Third Kind…all of that fueled my younger days. So did Marvel Comics, Anime and Manga, and a little something called Elfquest. Asimov, Heinlein, Harrison (if you haven’t read the Stainless Steel Rat books, you really should!), Ellison, Clarke…and Myers, whose “Frontliners” I read over and over again. If you were to say I lived in the future-or at least in some other world-you’d have been right. 

Time had a way of flying by when you’re not looking. Now all these years later, I have books of my own for sale. I just wrote some 57,755 words of a second volume of the “Stories of Dai Nihon Teikoku” during November for National Novel Writer’s Month (Or NaNoWriMo); that book will see print sometime next year. I might have written more, but an idea got lodged in my head about the crew of a StarCruiser. So I wrote a little bit of it every day for half a month…and over 30,o0o words later I’m still working on it. Below is an excerpt from that work; it’s my birthday gift to you. Enjoy! 

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Location: GSF StarQuarters, GSF Unified Date 2319.02.27, approximately 1000 base time.

Colt Richmond stood there, waiting patiently. He was heading for his new ship, new Captain’s stripes adorning his sleeves. He would likely be traveling with a few of his crew; that was to be expected from this part of space. In the meantime, he was cooling his heels waiting for his transport. He overheard some people getting into a heated exchange; curious, he wandered over to see what the issue was. Standing there was a diminutive woman-she couldn’t have been more than 1.21 Unified meters (roughly four feet tall), pointed ears and wings, holding her own against three larger males. As he approached, he heard what sounded like taunting or teasing  from the officers of equal rank. “What is the issue, everyone?” She looked up at him and spoke. Her voice was like a cross between windchimes and a hummingbird’s wings; he raised an eyebrow and replied in kind. Turning to them, he pleasantly said “The young lady would like her translator pin back. Do one of you happen to know what happened to it?” “Sir! No sir!” He looked at them all again, mildly irritated. “I hope you all aren’t serving on my ship; if you are I will find ways to make your lives miserable. Now…do you happen to know what happened to the young lady’s translator pin?” One of them looked a little embarrassed. “Sir…I think it might be right here.” “Good. Hand it over to me…and get lost.” “Yessir” they replied, and scattered in three different directions. Calmly he turned to her and spoke; she replied rapidly. Nodding, he replaced the translator pin on her collar; it remained on for a moment, then fell off again. Sighing, he spoke to her in her language and explained what the issue was. Nodding she hummed and whistled at him as they walked to the station exchange. Five minutes later, he carefully repinned her translator pin to her collar. “Thank you enough, sir, I cannot. Hard it is to speak Unified. So…where headed are you?” “SC Shizukaze. Her new Captain I am; Colt Richmond my name is.” “Sir! To you I am reporting. Lieutenant Fae G’zlda I am. New Head Nurse of SC Shizukaze I am.” “The pleasure mine is.” “The pleasure mine is. Elvenspeak you well.” “Fae I am not.” “Guess well you have, sir. Fae I am. From Tsh’ree I am. Pointed ears have you. Elvish you have?” “Tsh’reen am I half. Terran am I half.” “Explains about you much. Ship departs when?” “Minutes Unified fifteen. To dock we should proceed.” “Agree with you I do, sir. Late we should not be.” 

About those Saturday Mornings....

Not all that long ago, I had trouble gearing down to go to sleep, and so was reading an online review (well, several, actually) of some DVD's of old Saturday morning cartoons. I mean…really old Saturday morning cartoons. Things like The Wacky Races and The Perils of Penelope Pitstop and so forth. And this one reviewer just didn't get it. His opinion was that these programs (and others of their ilk) might have been great fun when we were kids, but now not worth the cost of the DVDs as an adult, that he couldn't be-leeeeeve he watched this junk as a kid, etc.

Dude, wake up-these were kid's programs on a Saturday Morning!

Fast forward a few weeks later. I’m flat on my back, and when I finally come to, I find myself watching whole story arcs of Underdog online. (That’s how I knew to take the day off. When I’m watching Underdog instead trying to get my buns in gear to go to work, there’s an problem, and it’s not my taste in cartoons.)

It got me to thinking about those reviews, and Saturday mornings in general.

You remember Saturday mornings, don't you? (I mean, before the cable explosion.)

You couldn't get up before noon during the week for school, but Saturday morning saw you up early and with a bowl (or three) of Fruit-Flavored Sugar Frosted Choco-Bits (Which had a whole 8 vitamins and minerals, and was guaranteed to “Turn your milk plaid!!!”), and you'd be watching Bugs Bunny reruns, Motormouse and Autocat, The Wacky Races, Perils of Penelope Pitstop, Dastardly & Muttley In Their Flying Machines, Scooby-Doo, Speed Buggy and so forth. Maybe whatever Flintstones incarnation was on (like Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm as teenagers). Archie and Sabrina, the Teen-Age Witch. Josie and The Pussycats. The Star Trek cartoons (yes, I watched `em). Maybe The Super Friends, Hong Kong Phooey, Fat Albert, The Pink Panther, The Ant and The Aardvark…the list goes on. Plus “In The News” and “Schoolhouse Rock.” (Does anyone remember the Phonics clips? “See Spot. See Spot Run….”)

Was this fine art? Not even close! Were the plots interchangeable? Yes, and then some. Was the animation great? Nope.

Hel-lo, that's why it was called limited animation!

This was never meant to be great drama or high art, folks. It was the true opiate of the masses of little kids everywhere. And it worked, too. We watched them, and we ate all that sugary cereal, peeled ourselves off the ceilings, and finally went out to play when the folks finally booted us outside to go run off all the sugar we’d ingested. I watched all the same stuff you did as a kid. Not just Saturday Mornings, either.

See, I was a Late Bird until 2nd grade (meaning I had classes that started later) and so could watch the morning run (and “Noonie Cartoonies” in the summer): Batfink, Milton the Monster, Hashimoto the Japanese Housemouse, Fearless Fly, Casper the Friendly Ghost, Heckle & Jeckle, Mighty Mouse, Herman & Katnip, Roger Ramjet, and the aforementioned Underdog. (Note to Shoeshine Boy-your girlfriend, Sweet Polly Purebred, is a real dog…!)

It didn't stop after I hit puberty. When I was a teenager, I watched cartoons when I could find time.

Afternoons after school there was Speed Racer, Star Blazers, Battle of the Planets, Tom and Jerry reruns (okay, and Woody Woodpecker and Popeye, too). Rocky and Bullwinkle (and as an adult, I still can't BELIEVE my folks let me watch those as a kid!), Super Chicken, Tom Slick, and Dudley Do-Right of the Mounties. PLUS Bugs Bunny reruns. And usually the imported man in the rubber suit shows--Ultraman, Spectreman, Johnny Sokko and His Flying Robot. Plus Flash Gordon reruns as well.

It didn't stop when I became a young adult, either.

When I was fresh out of the Service, and all my friends were working during the day and I was on unemployment and waiting for summer session of college to start, there was Danger Mouse, The Mighty Hercules reruns and Tom & Jerry reruns, Inspector Gadget (voiced by the inimitable Don Adams) and GI Joe (Shipwreck was my favorite character) and sometimes even (in a weak moment) the Jetsons.

When I was in school and working on my Master's degree, it was The Animaniacs (“Wakko packs away the snacks while Bill Clinton plays the sax…”) and Pinky and the Brain and Thundercat reruns and Bugs Bunny reruns and so forth that helped me stay sane.

And when I was an out-of-work and between temp jobs adult, there was Dragonball Z, ReBoot, Pokemon, Johnny Bravo (don't laugh too hard-I went to school with the prototype, I think!), and Sailor Moon.

So I got to thinking about my childhood, and Saturday mornings, and how much fun they were, and how few cares I had (really), and all those cartoons…and went and dug out “The Best of Dudley Do-Right” DVD I own, along with all the Anime I have.

And even though I'll pay dearly for the rush, some morning in the not too distant future, I'm gonna get me a box of Super Ultra Sugar Frosted Hyper Fruit-Flavored Choco-Bits (12 vitamins and minerals and guaranteed to “Turn your milk fuscha!!!”) and have a bowl or two and watch some of my DVD's and remember how good life was when I was a kid and didn't have to worry about anything other than peeling myself off the ceiling from all the sugar I ate.

And the best part of all…no commercials!

Enough for now.

(Posted 1/14/2009)