On Facebook, Twitter, and Seppuku

It’s funny, in a bizarre sort of way. Given how much I like working with technology, one would think I keep up with all the latest trends.

Except that I don’t.

I don’t have (at the time I write this) a Facebook or MySpace page, mainly because I don’t feel I’m all that important or interesting. I see no reason to put a bunch of stuff that will bore people to tears out on the web. You don’t really want to know that the one thing I am consuming right now is a box of Sugar Frosted Flakes. I don’t want to tell you all about my friends; I want them to remain my friends. You certainly don’t want to know what I’m listening to on the radio because I don’t listen much to radio anymore. I use my iPod in place thereof...less commercials that way. I don’t need a bunch of “friends” I’ve never met but expect me to list as my friends so we can move up the food chain or however they rank these things. I certainly don’t want people writing all over my walls as I have enough stuff to clean, thank you.

If you’re looking for me on Twitter you might as well stop because I don’t tweet, either. If I want to reach out and touch someone, I can call or e-mail them. You don’t want a pithy message from me telling you I’ve eaten Corn Pops for breakfast, or that I’m standing in the deodorant aisle at Wal-Mart trying to decide what Fresh, Pure Sport, Game Day, Swagger or Smooth Blast smell like. (Those are all scents from Old Spice, by the way, lest you think I’m making them up.) You sure don’t want to know that I’m balancing my checkbook or going flat at quartet rehearsal.

Now, I know there’s folks out there that love and use these things, and I’m happy you do. As far as I’m concerned, however, once the corporations started asking me to “follow” them, or become their “friend”, I got the rather crazy idea that this was nothing more than an advertising gimmick anymore. I certainly do not want to be friends with corporations that have never met me, and I do not need ads being tweeted to me.

What prompted to me write about this was a mildly disturbing story of a new service that allows you to commit “virtual suicide.” Read part of Frank Carnevale’s article:

(MYFOX NATIONAL) - Feeling overwhelmed by your Facebook profile? Having trouble dealing with social anxiety? A new Web site will help you kill your virtual self.

Seppukoo.com offers to help you disconnect yourself from Facebook and "have a really cool, radical, chic experience."

The site is named after "Seppuku," the ritual suicide that samurai practiced. The site explains that rather than fall into the hands of their enemies, ancient Japanese samurai preferred to die with honor, voluntarily plunging a sword into the abdomen moving the sword left to right in a slicing motion.

Today the enemy, according to the site, is not another warrior but corporate media who use viral marketing to make huge profits by connecting people across the globe.

Is this what we have come to? Committing virtual suicide? The really dumb thing is that people can then write you virtual memorials!

But some life is everlasting. Even after committing seppuku, users can read all the comments left by your friends on the memorial page.

And your Facebook profile is not actually deleted - you can easily reactivate your account. Just log into your Facebook profile and your account is reactivated.

Whatever happened to simply deleting things? Granted, once on the web it’s always there...but this is ridiculous. Getting rid of your online profile by creating another online profile is just silly, and a waste of time and bandwidth.

So, don’t look for me using this stuff any too soon. I have better things to do with my time, like playing Nine on the iPod, organizing all my cereal prizes by company then cereal, or dusting the man-cat because he’s been sleeping all day in the same spot.

Enough for now.