Valentine's Day is almost as bad as Christmas....

Valentine’s day is tomorrow, and I can hardly wait to get past it.

If I hear one more ad one more adfor chocolate, flowers, or “gold and pearls and things for girls” I will hurl. For example, for my readers in the listening area for KUGN-AM 590 AM there’s an ad for a well-known chocolate company that I am sick to death of. You know the one—the guy calls the operator for a listing, and she jumps all over him for being a schnook, then changes her tune—because he’s buying this company’s chocolate. It makes me want to turn off the radio.

It’s not that I’m against Valentine’s day. I’m all for it. I think it’s a nice idea for the middle of the most boring month of the year. A little something to brighten up a day or weekend in a dreary month of gray. Yes, it’s true—February is not my favorite month, regardless of the fact it’s when I got married (and no, that has nothing to do with it. Don’t evengo there, or I’ll make you stay after class and clean the erasers.)

What I am against is the same thing I dislike about Christmas. It’s gotten too commercial, too much about the stuff and the sex and the warm fuzzies.

Who was St. Valentine? “He was a Roman priest martyred during the reign of Claudius Gothicus. He was arrested and imprisoned for marrying Christian couples and otherwise aiding Christians who were being persecuted. (Aiding Christians at this time was considered a crime against the State.) Claudius took a liking to this prisoner, until he tried to convert the Emperor. He was beaten with clubs and stoned; and when that didn't kill him, he was beheaded outside the Flaminian Gate. Three dates are given for the martyrdom or martyrdoms: 269, 270, or 273.” (Tip of the hat to Jack Oruch, "St. Valentine, Chaucer, and Spring in February", Speculum 56.3 (July 1981 pp 534-565) p 535. Being martyred doesn’t fill me with thoughts of love, really.

The day really took off as a lover’s holiday of sorts in the 1300’s with the likes of Chaucer, and of course was greatly refined in 19th century America with the advent of mass-produced greeting cards. And we all remember the cute valentine cards we all passed around in grade school. Everybody had to get one, just to be fair, which is somewhat puzzling because all is not fair in love and war.

So, I don’t know what you’ll be doing. I know how I’ll be spending my Valentine’s day. I’ll be spending my day singing love songs to other women, with the missus’ blessing. Seriously—the chorus I belong to does singing valentines, and I’m in a quartet that’ll be singing all day.

Enough for now.

(Published 2/13/09)